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Blogging For Hadley
positivelyloved
28 July 2007 @ 09:53 pm
Post Twenty-Seven  

“Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man.”
- Paul Gray


Maybe you're familiar with the little poem "Before I Was A Dog Mom." Well, each day as a cat mom is another line in a whole 'nother "Before I Was A Cat Mom" saga.

I've seen myself do things I never thought I could or would do, and I've felt my heart open in a way I never knew possible. I've always been that crazy animal girl, ever since I was little. I always gave my whole self to a pet. My mom was always saying, "That's it, no more pets!" after they'd pass away because I would lose myself completely.

When we adopted Landon in 2004, she was ours. She was our daughter, our responsibility. And before I was a cat mom, I never knew that there were behaviorists or specialists. I never believed in homeopathy or homemade remedies for feline stress or anxiety. Before I was a cat mom, I never thought I'd clean cat vomit with a tissue and not care if it got all over my hands: my main concern being what made them vomit? Are they ill? Was it a hair ball?

Landon, Jagger and Hadley taught me so much. Before I was a cat mom, I never thought I'd dig through a litterbox looking for unusual fecal patterns or rummaging through bowel movements looking for tapeworms. Before I was a cat mom, I never had to worry about cats eating whatever food I left on the counter. I never thought I'd have it in me to check on my beautiful baby Hadley to make sure she was still breathing. I never thought I'd be able to step in, feel her stomach, make sure the air was circulating. I never thought I could do a lot of things.

But, before I was a cat mom -- my life was so empty, even if I didn't know it at the time. Before I was a cat mom, I never knew happiness to the extent that they have always provided me with. Even Hadley still leaves me with memories so full of life and love.
 
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Vertamae: Baby Norma[info]vertamae on July 29th, 2007 02:10 am (UTC)
Well, after being a cat mom for the past 22 years or more (17.5 with the current crop), all I can say is I am exhausted. Never getting a good night's sleep is killing me at age 46. Administering sub-Q fluids every other day, pilling every morning, getting out the syringe for the gel supplements, cleaning vomit and diarrhea from the carpet on a regular basis... whew, it's wearing me out. And when all of that is over, then what will I do? Will I actually miss it?

I equate it to having an infant human child, one that never grows up. Or maybe being a caregiver for my own grandma. "Time to take your meds now", "Time to change your diaper now". It's neverending, the caregiving. The mothering, the nurturing, the loving. And I, for one, am drained. I envy you your youthful exuberance and loving energy. Keep loving, with Landon and Jagger, and anyone else you bring into your life. You're a good person.
Blogging For Hadley[info]positivelyloved on July 29th, 2007 02:14 am (UTC)
When we first adopted Landon, it was hell. I look back fondly now but then -- god, it was exhausting. She'd urinate and defecate everywhere; everything would be covered in vomit and she'd scream all night. Administer this, administer that. Go see this doctor, go see that doctor. It was pure hell, in all fairness. But I guess now that Hadley is gone, I want to cling to everything, even the bad times, because at least they happened.

If I knew from the start that Hadley was sick and this would happen, I'd have adopted her all over again and lived through all of the pain just to see her beautiful face each and every day. Same with Landon, same with Jagger.

You're a good person, too. Thank you for keeping in touch with me during this whole blogging process. You and a select few others from [info]cat_lovers have been lifesavers.
Vertamae: Vernal Equinox Aught Five[info]vertamae on July 29th, 2007 02:21 am (UTC)
I think your blogging all night for charity is a great thing. Come to think of it, why am I not looking into sponsoring you yet? ;)

I know that when Norma is gone I will miss her so much my heart will break in two. I know this now, just as it's becoming increasingly difficult to give her what she needs, all the while wondering if it's enough, if there isn't more I should be doing. And frankly, I need to take her back to the vet to get bloodwork done to see where we stand, but I'm afraid to put her through the stress, afraid it will be the last straw and she will need to be put down and then what will I do?

It's easier now to complain about her messes she leaves behind, than it will be to deal with her absence.

You made it through all of Landon's hard adjustment period, and came out the other side. We all do what we can, I guess.

Keep up the blogging - I'll be reading as long as I can stay up. :)
bear[info]carrieish on July 29th, 2007 02:18 am (UTC)
you're great at articulating your feelings and love for your animals. this was a beautiful entry.
Caz[info]cazzicles on July 29th, 2007 05:37 am (UTC)
That's exactly what I was thinking, too!
_aasshhlleeyy_[info]_aasshhlleeyy_ on August 2nd, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Hey Lindsay - thanks for adding me. I've been catching up on yours and Hadleys journals for the last hour or so. I've meant to comment on a LOT of entries, but this one really touched me.

I know exactly how you're feeling - let me tell you. You might have read what happened to my cat on cat_lovers (I posted about it there a few times when everything was going on) - all I have to say is that I completely understand what you're going through, and feel your pain.

I could have written this entry myself. My cats are my world. Almost 2 months have passed since Moose died and I still think about him and cry every single day. It's so hard.